{ so flattered }

my friend just told me that she thinks i look like emmy rossum. i didn't have the faintest clue who that person was, so i googled her:


wow!!! i'll take it!!!! thanks, kar! i'm flattered :)

{ 24 days till teaching! }

yes, that's right, in 24 days' time, i will be teaching a junior high class! i am so thrilled and actually not nervous at all! i feel so ready, after years and years of waiting, to actually be *doing* what i love to do!

actual jobs for next september are looking kind of worrisome, though. i just hope and pray that, if this is what i'm really supposed to be doing, that i will somehow come out on top of all my peers. if the cream really does rise to the top (like my prof and my parents keep on saying), then i just need to make sure that i stay in the cream!!

i stayed home from church this morning to have a restful day so i can hopefully beat this cold ... while home (since we only have 5 channels now) i watched a lot of "infomercials", two of which were for amnesty international and world vision. i cried and cried, even though i told myself i wouldn't let myself get all silly and emotional. but then i thought, better to weep and weep than become someone who has a hard heart. man, i just don't know what to think when i see so much of that stuff. if you really stop and think about those kids (and even those adults) ... it actually is too much for the human mind to comprehend. and like the rwandan genocide that is still going on in the congo today (i saw that on oprah last week) ... i just see no excuse for us in north america to be apathetic.

so, i'm trying to find my own way in the world, my own personality, my own values and beliefs, apart from derek's. what he thinks is great, and his way of dealing with things is good for him ... but i need to find a way of making those convictions my own, and of making them strong in my heart.

actually, i've been thinking this for a long time now, but this morning really confirmed it in my heart: i want to use my student teaching opportunity to get kids thinking about a more globally and socially responsible perspective. therefore, i want to get them involved in either amnesty's letter-writing campaigns or world vision's 30 hour famine. most principals will be really supportive of these ideas, but i guess i just have to wait and see ... i'm really going to try, though!

well, time to get back to cleaning our house ... lol, my parents came over this morning and they said our little condo looks how my parents' house looked when it got broken into ... clothes thrown everywhere, papers chucked all around, drawers removed from the dresser, everything just torn upside down. well, that's what happens when both peoople in your household get the flu in the same week. haha. but now it's time to get my life back in order so i can face this week!!

24 days ... i can't wait.

{ *cough* }

well, i'm finally getting over the "flu" component of my illness. however, i still have that darn cough ... that "lisa christmas cough" that must just be late this year ... i know it's gross, but the other day i coughed and coughed and coughed until i threw up :P needless to say, i called in sick again that day. blah. but then i went to the doctor yesterday and he put me on this prescription cough syrup with codine (sp?) in it, so now i'm feeling stoned and drowsy the whole day through ... interesting, that's for sure.

and i finished 3 more major projects in the past 3 days, as well as giving a class presentation on "what are zines and how can you use them in your classroom?" on tuesday. that was fun and went over well. everyone was all like "ooh" and "aah". and karel, i hope you got my email--i used your zines and they adored them.

what else? i'm boring and i'm not feeling artistic enough to write a little ditty of a poem or anything like that. you know my tin type post? i wrote a short story based off of that idea (and also inspired by a visual image--that was our actual assignment component). anyone want to read it? i thought it was a crappy, cliche story, but my friend from south africa told me that she loved it and was "gripped!". but maybe she would say that about anything? she's so nice ... and so south african. haha.

my throat is like razors and i've taken so many informal naps (2 in the car, one in the school lobby, nearly one in class) that i don't feel ready for bed yet, even though i just took my cough syrup. should be kicking in soon, but perhaps the hot chocolate and like, 35 mini marshmallows are counteracting it. haha.

i think i will actually have something on my hands tomorrow called "spare time". *gasp* what does that mean? i have homer's illiad in my backpack but i'm not quite sure if i'm ready to undertake that at this time of year ... sigh. maybe i should be a keener and get a major jump on my unit plan. i'm thinking of doing fairy tales+cross-cultural examples of common western ones (ie cinderella)+stereotypes+archetypes+revisiting that liesl mueller poem ... what do you think? fun for junior high? too hard? i dunno...you can't under estimate them.

OH! but i get my field placement tomorrow (even though my prof already told me that i have a jr. high in the southwest YAAAAAAAAY)

OH! and of my class of 26, i'm at the top. number one. not to gloat, but at least it makes all my hard work worth it, and hopefully that means next week i'll cry less than i did this week ;)

anyways, do i even make sense? maybe i am still feeling a little stoned. so i'll go. ok. bye.

{ tin type photos }

in looking up the term "tin type photos" for a school project (i wanted to make sure i had the right term), i came across tons of pages of peoples' family collections of them ... this is just one example ... check it out if you find it as interesting as i do :)

{ the poem i'll teach }

and here is the poem i'm teaching to the grade 12s on monday. what do you think? personally, it's one of my favorite poems in a LONG time.
___________________________________
Reading The Brothers Grimm To Jenny
by Lisel Mueller

Jenny, your mind commands
kingdoms of black and white:
you shoulder the crow on your left,
the snowbird on your right;
for you the cinders part
and let the lentils through,
and noise falls into place
as screech or sweet roo-coo,
while in my own, real, world
gray foxes and gray wolves
bargain eye to eye,
and the amazing dove
takes shelter under the wing
of the raven to keep dry.

Knowing that you must climb,
one day, the ancient tower
where disenchantment binds
the curls of innocence,
that you must live with power
and honor circumstance,
that choice is what comes true--
oh, Jenny, pure in heart,
why do I lie to you?

Why do I read you tales
in which birds speak the truth
and pity cures the blind,
and beauty reaches deep
to prove a royal mind?
Death is a small mistake
there, where the kiss revives;
Jenny, we make just dreams
out of our unjust lives.

Still, when your truthful eyes,
your keen, attentive stare,
endow the vacuous slut
with royalty, when you match
her soul to her shimmering hair,
what can she do but rise
to your imagined throne?
And what can I, but see
beyond the world that is,
when, faithful, you insist
I have the golden key--
and learn from you once more
the terror and the bliss,
the world as it might be?
___________________________________

{ moi }

my latest school assignment (to experience the type of poem we might assign to our students). i had to present it to my class today, but i think it went pretty well. it's a biopoem, following a given structure:

: : : : : : : : :
Lisa

Is quietly passionate, reservedly daring, responsibly carefree, and is learning to be more intentionally spontaneous

Wife to one of the last true adventurers

Lover of learning and savouring all languages, without exception, of eavesdropping (especially on buses and in waiting rooms), and of a good story, told by a deep, sonorous voice

Who feels caught somewhere in between embracing adulthood and clinging to youthfulness, between living for today and planning for tomorrow, and between merely existing in the real world and fully living in her own idyllic dream

Who needs both security and spontaneity in a mate, at least two good belly laughs per week, and next to no money to make her happy

Who fears eating most foreign foods, settling for anything less than she dreamed of, and having to confess her fears to others

Who gives wonderfully old-fashioned thank-you cards, sincere and straight-toothed smiles to friends and strangers alike, and hope-filled encouragement to any heart that lacks it

Who would like to see the marriage of tolerance and personal conviction, the reinstatement of Sundays as a universal day of rest, and the perfection of apostrophe and comma usage by all people, young and old

Resident of wherever her heart leads

Epp
: : : : : : : : :

oh, and did i mention that on monday i have to go to a high school (the one that i used to go to, in fact) where the school population is 2200 and teach a GRADE 12 CLASS of 30 kids a 67 minute poetry lesson?! AAAAAAH! but actually, my lesson plan is coming together nicely, so i'm starting to get more excited for everything ... :) will keep you all posted.

oh, in other news, it's around -47'C at our house tonight (that's
-52.6'F for my American friend (karel)) with the windchill. in siberia, it was only -17'C today!!!! what's up with that?!

{ stay strong! (i'm talking to MYSELF) }

i'm feeling very overwhelmed right now ... i started back at school today. i take three courses compiled into one class that goes from 9-2, same teacher, same desk, same peers, all day. wow. oh yeah, and did i mention that these are three 9 week courses compiled into 28 days? oh yeah, and did i mention that i work every night till either 8:30 or 10:30 (tonight was 8:30).

i am feeling very overwhelmed right now!!!!!!!

hopefully some sort of routine will begin to emerge ... i need routine and organization, i'm just that kind of person. anyways, here's a poem that i read today and enjoyed:

=============
Imaginary Paintings
by Lisel Mueller


1 HOW I WOULD PAINT THE FUTURE

A strip of horizon and a figure,
seen from the back, forever approaching.


2 HOW I WOULD PAINT HAPPINESS

Something sudden, a windfall,
a meteor shower. No --
a flowering tree releasing
all its blossoms at once,
and the one standing beneath it
unexpectedly robed in bloom,
transformed into a stranger
too beautiful to touch


3 HOW I WOULD PAINT DEATH

White on white or black on black.
No ground, no figure. An immense canvas
which I will never finish.


4 HOW I WOULD PAINT LOVE

I would not paint love.


5 HOW I WOULD PAINT THE LEAP OF FAITH

A black cat jumping up three feet
to reach a three-inch shelf.


6 HOW I WOULD PAINT THE BIG LIE

Smooth, and deceptively small
so that it can be swallowed
like something we take for a cold.
An elongated capsule,
an elegant cylinder,
sweet and glossy,
that pleases the tongue
and goes down easy,
never mind
the poison inside.


7 HOW I WOULD PAINT NOSTALGIA

An old-fashioned painting, a genre piece.
People in bright and dark clothing.
A radiant bride in white
standing above a waterfall,
watching the water rush
away, away, away.

===============

kind of neat, eh?

anyways, time to take a deep breath for tomorrow. tomorrow is a new day, and that is something to always be thankful for :)

{ talking about God \\ talking to God }

i feel like God has been teaching me a lot this past week through what He's been whispering to my heart and through what other people have been saying and demonstrating to me.

one of my athiest friends this week asked me what i thought of Christians who go on missions trips and share their faith as well as contributing a humanitarian component to their trip. i said that seeing as their faith constitutes a large basis for their wanting to reach out and help others, it seems only natural that they should want to share the reasoning for their actions.

she got to the heart of the matter: that people, in her opinion, should wear their faith in their heart and not on their sleeve. of course i'm no advocate for deliberately wearing your faith on your sleeve (ie in a pretensious manner), but i do think that it will pour out of your heart and affect what you do ...

but ... then other activities this week got me realizing how much this concept of keeping your faith to yourself is such a Western idea. at my workplace, i work with so many immigrant peoples from all over the world (China, Philippines, Middle East, South America, etc) ... and this week i heard one 56 year old Philippino woman singing Amazing Grace joyously at the top of her lungs while working in the back kitchen preparing food. i also heard another older Philippino woman excitedly exclaiming "I'm fire for Jesus! I'm fire for Jesus!" with not an ounce of shame. i also heard various other non-Western women discussing the tsunami disaster with a vary openly Christian perspective. and not one of them was ashamed. nor was even a single one of them being pretensious or "bible-bashing". they were just being ... themselves! if you have something that has changed your life and the way you view practically everything, why should you attempt to hide that and to put on an "approved" persona? what a lot of Western rubbish!

i've also been thinking a lot about the end of the world, and i confess that it was the whole tsunami disaster that got me thinking along those lines (not that i'm saying now is the time). but anyways, what if now was the time? what if tomorrow was the time? what if i could know the exact time when it will all come to an end? lately i realize i have been living so much according to the slogan: "ignorance is bliss", pushing everything uncomfortable out of my mind. but i felt like last night God was finally challenging me to come to terms with the idea of the temporality of this life (either of our world as a whole, or even of myself as a whole).

i got to thinking about how we look forward to certain days ... christmas in particular, since it has just so recently been in the forefront of our minds. i mean, we mark it on the calendar, count the days down excitedly until it comes, and we prepare day and night for its coming! we bake cookies, go shopping, send cards, deck the halls, and do countless other activities all for this one special day. i began to think about the day of Christ's return, which i do believe will one day come. the bible tells us that as Christians, we should EAGERLY AWAIT it! but have i been doing that? no. maybe even the opposite--at times, i dread it, i put off thinking about it, i hope it doesn't come for another 2000 years. why? because we all hate to be accountable for our time and for our actions ... and, like i said "ignorance is bliss". if we don't think about it, we can forget that accountability that we will all eventually have to take for everything that we have done in this life.

i felt like God was challenging me to treat that day with an even GREATER excitement than Christmas or my birthday or my wedding day or anything else. it is really the pinnacle of these lives we lead (both personally and collectively). God challenged me to write on my calender or in my daytimer, on a random day, "Today Jesus will return!" and to just look at that day upcoming and to really consider the plausibility of it. you know when people get diagnosed with cancer and they know they only have 3 months to live ... they suddenly realize what's important, what they should spend their time and money on, what they do and don't want to be remembered for. i think by even mentally going through that same sort of process will bring a huge wake-up call into my life ... it already has started to. i know in my heart that i am a Christian, because i really do love the Lord with all my heart. and yet although we are saved by faith and not by deeds, i always have that nagging voice that "faith without works is dead". and i do feel like i get so caught up in my own world (school, paying bills, and all the rest) that it's easy to forget about life and the bigger picture. what can i do to love those who need it most. what can i give up from my own life to help others. not because i have to, but because it is what i profess in my faith! it is how i can kindle my faith further, and to show the love of God to others so that they can then at least have the chance to experience it!

so ... i feel like this week has been a week of kind of sitting back and observing a lot about myself, about life, about us as humans, about the nature of God ... and it's been good and i finally feel like i am on the edge of something again. it's been a long time since i've had that feeling ... and i'm so excited to have it back.

i'm reminded of that milk commerial, too. "always grow. grow always". i feel like i've gone too long without drinking my milk, without growing. it's time to start growing again.

yeah.

{ it takes special talent . . . }

. . . to write the kind of songs that damien rice can write. i highly recommend his album, "o".

Older Chests
by Damien Rice

Older chests reveal themselves
Like a crack in a wall
Starting small, and grow in time
And we always seem to need the help
Of someone else
To mend that shelf
Too many books
Read me your favourite line

Papa went to other lands
And he found someone who understands
The ticking, and the western man's need to cry
He came back the other day, you know
Some things in life may change
And some things
They stay the same

Like time, there's always time
On my mind
So pass me by, I'll be fine
Just give me time

Older gents sit on the fence
With their cap in hand
Looking grand
They watch their city change
Children scream, or so it seems,
Louder than before
Out of doors, and into stores with bigger names
Mama tried to wash their faces
But these kids they lost their graces
And daddy lost at the races too many times

She broke down the other day, yeah you know
Some things in life may change
But some things they stay the same

Like time, there's always time
On my mind
So pass me by, I'll be fine
Just give me time
Time, there's always time
On my mind
Pass me by, I'll be fine
Just give me time

{ one more--this one's good }

another pass-along from my dad :)

= = = = = = =
This is the message that the Pacific Palisades High School (California) Staff voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine. This came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for children's absences and missing homework.

The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children's failing grades changed to passing grades even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough schoolwork to pass their classes.

This is the actual answering maching message for the school:

"Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting

to the right staff member, please listen to all your options before making a selection:

"To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1

"To make excuses for why your child did not do his work - Press 2

"To complain about what we do - Press 3

"To swear at staff members - Press 4

"To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in the newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5

"If you want us to raise your child - Press 6

"If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7

"To request another teacher for the third time this year - Press 8

"To complain about bus transportation - Press 9

"To complain about school lunches - Press 0

"If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behaviour, class work, homework, and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort: Hang up and have a nice day!"
= = = = = = =

{ an interesting read }

this is something cool that was passed on to me by my dad, who recieved it in a chain email:

= = = = = = = =

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.

The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?

= = = = = = = =