{ seeing a moment or seeing the bigger picture? }

what do you think? if it's late, that's it, it's done; or, better late than never? i'm just a flip flopper. am i young or old? obviously i am young--it is a bit of a rhetorical question, i know, but ... these days i seem to be finally blooming in terms of things that excite me, things that stir my heart, and things that i want to be spending my time doing.

why does art draw me in so? what is the purpose of spending a life in art? yes, there is aesthetic value to it, but what, other than that? where in art can the purpose of helping others be fulfilled? yes, you can always say that art lifts the soul, that it may help others view life in a certain way, or that it will enhance the artist's life to finally "get it out", so to speak.

am i just going through a phase like so many young people do? when i see this phase in several other of my old friends, i call it the "being a lazy bum" stage--some certain people i have known in the past have thrown away all their feasible life options in favor of sleeping in, playing guitar, and in essense, doing nothing (although they claim they are "creating art").

but why, these days, do i feel that i would love to become caught up in it? is it just because it's spring, the sun is shining, and i feel my soul so lifted? or is it something that i am supposed to be doing with my life? i want to write, and to write for hours, and to have the time to take long inspiring walks and to go away on personal retreats, and to just write--but for who, for what? art for its own sake? i've never bought that so much, myself.

i also feel an old desire stirring within me--i would love so much to take up photography. but yet i look at all these photoblogs daily (see my links page) and i realize what skill it actually takes. and skill takes knowledge, and knowledge takes TIME. have i missed the boat? how old are all these stellar photographers? how long did it take them to learn these techniques and to get to be so good? is it something that i have the time (not to even mention the money) to invest in? or will i spend three long years reading up on it, gathering equipment, only to find that it no longer moves me as it does now?

besides, i think one of the bigger points that i am trying to get at (or rather, am struggling with at this point) is: what is the point of art? really? is it something that was ever meant to be a life's calling? from one perspective, of course--look at leonardo da vinci, look at michaelangelo ... some could argue "what would our world be like without men like these?" a part of me can definitely concur ... and not only artists, but writers as well--shakespeare (though i'm not his greatest fan) has obviously had such an influence on the arts that emerged as his successors ... on the arts, yes, but what about the actual tangible lives of people? what good have artists like those had on the actual lives of people?

i'm obviously very torn at this point while thinking about what the ultimate goal and purpose of my life is. is it just to make a contribution to the world that will live on even after i die? is it to leave a legacy? those have never been things that i have valued as goals! i have always valued actually affecting and helping the lives of others ... you know, following the golden rule, trying to bring some kind of justice into this life, loving people who have no one else to love them. where does living a life dedicated to art pan into all that? i struggle with that question now because i really think it doesn't pan into it at all. and therefore i cannot justifyy my dedicating all my time and thoughts to it, even though at this point in my life, that is what i feel like i want to be doing.

teaching is something that will help others, but with my experience with it so far, i just feel like there is another part of me that is being kicked aside, into the dust. my hope is that when i become my own teacher with my own classroom, that i will be able to make it a place that is more creative, inspired, and artistic--while all the while i can be impacting the lives of others, hopefully for the better.

but i do need some kind of art in my life right now ... i do need things that are beautiful and moving and inspiring ... i just feel so torn between seeing the precise moments of my life or seeing the bigger picture ... i am not sure which is the better approach ...

and so i suppose i am left to merely think on it some more ...

{ sunlight inspires imagination }

even just drawing open my bedroom curtains this morning (which i practically NEVER do) gave me the exquisite imaginative rush of throwing open those heavy wooden shutters that they have in italy--instead of a snowy lane with spring-filled gutters in front of me, i saw the early stirrings of a vineyard, an olive grove, a brambly garden. as i stripped my bed of its linens to transport them to the wash, i saw my bare bed as a new beginning, a fresh home in an already lived-in one.

there is something magical about the spring sunlight silently slanting through my window.

{ i had to take back what i said ... }

... about "National Treasure". I had prematurely said how stupid it looked, how contrived, and how just overall "Nicholas-Cagey" in nature ...

however, we just got back from seeing it at the cheap theatres, and I have to say it is one of the better movies that I have seen recently ... I really enjoyed it. It was fast-paced (although at times a little predictable), clean, and even witty. The characters were lovable when they should have been and completely detestable when they should have been (ie the good guys were good and the bad guys were bad). Very clever writing, too (although Derek and I found some "errors" ... ask me about it if you care ...)

Anyways, I would recommend it as a cheap-theatre-view or a renter, for sure.

{ living the "de-magicked" life }

remember when everything was so magical, so mysterious, so magnificent? what a beautiful photo here at orbit 1 today. i don't know why, but more of me still feels connected to that part of my life than to the adult part of my life ... in my heart i identify more with the girl in that little red wagon than with the teachers in the staff room that i mill around with in the mornings.

these days i have been itching to finally have kids of our own ... i think it is so that i can become a child myself once again. what is wrong with a mother seeing the world through her child's eyes? i think that is what my parents always did, and that is why we always had a homemade skating rink, bobsled track, playhouse, or miniature golf course in our backyard. without my parents none of that magic would have been quite so vivid and tangible.

i can't wait to one day be that kind of parent too. but until then, these days i am throwing open the windows around dinner time and am straining my ears to hear any sounds, however tiny, of children's screams of laughter outside our second floor home. i am sad to say, however, that only one day so far this year have my attempts been successful; these days kids inhabit some entirely different plane of consciousness which stems from the plugs all around them--their hands and fingers are plugged into mouses, keyboards, buttons, their tiny, delicate ears are combarded by too-big ipod earbuds, and the thirst their eyes formerly had for the outdoors has been replaced by gameboy screens, cell phone displays, and sitcoms.

it makes me sad, but more than that, it makes me angry--where are these childrens' parents?! are they so utterly into themselves that they would rather plug their children into all of these gizmos and gadgets just so that they can have a little more personal R&R? take your kid to the park, for goodness' sake! help them imagine that that old box in the basement is the Apollo 13 or the bunker from Jurassic Park!

I have firmly decided that when I have children, I myself will model behaviour that promotes a healthy imagination--no tv, no computers, no video games, no fancy toys. my kids can have building blocks, artists' easels, colorful books and balls, dressup clothes, and one huge box in the basement that can be whatever you need it to be--rocketship, bunker, apartment, milk truck. that big box from my own childhood is where all of my fondest memories live, even now.

{ is this interesting or boring? i'm not sure ... }

Name: Lisa
Birthday: 06/29/83
Birthplace: canada
Current Location: same
Eye Color: hazel
Hair Color: dark brown with copper highlights
Height: 5'5"
Right Handed or Left Handed: right
Your Heritage: on my mom's side i'm 9th generation canadian, which is pretty cool; on my dad's side i'm quarter Ukranian
The Shoes You Wore Today: oooooooooooooold brown sketchers
Your Weakness: anything romantic, i guess
Your Fears: foreign foods, traveling, bears
Your Perfect Pizza: BBQ chicken is pretty yummy (needs red onions though)
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: get a teaching job
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: probably "hahaha"
Thoughts First Waking Up: sleep...need more sleep
Your Best Physical Feature: my smile?
Your Bedtime: usually 11:30-12:30
Your Most Missed Memory: sounds generic, but childhood (and everything else that it encompassed)
Pepsi or Coke: it used to be pepsi, but somewhere along the line i made the switch to coke
MacDonalds or Burger King: Micky D's
Single or Group Dates: no dates for the married girl .. haha (actually, that's not true ... me and derek still go on dates :)
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: i hate iced tea
Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolate all the way!
Cappuccino or Coffee: cappuccino (haha karel, i'm a yuppie)
Do you Smoke: no
Do you Swear: no
Do you Sing: yes, but that's not saying that i do it well (although i know i have improved)
Do you Shower Daily: no ... i usually have a bath daily--but that's more for theraputic purposes than hygenic ones ... lol. i can usually get away with washing my hair every 2 days (which is lucky for me since it takes so long to style!)
Have you Been in Love: yes <3
Do you want to go to College: been there, done that
Do you want to get Married: see above ;)
Do you belive in yourself: yes, i do, actually
Do you get Motion Sickness: not really. only if it's really hot and we're on top of a mountain (like last summer's trip to BC--ugh)
Do you think you are Attractive: yes, i do (in the least arrogant way possible)
Are you a Health Freak: i'm slowly *trying* to make that transition to being one ...
Do you get along with your Parents: so well, actually
Do you like Thunderstorms: only when derek's there to cuddle. when he was in africa, there was the worst thunder storm, and like a little kid, i was freaked out of my mind!
Do you play an Instrument: no--formerly played piano, but terribly
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: no
In the past month have you Smoked: no
In the past month have you been on Drugs: just tylenol :)
In the past month have you gone on a Date: derek and i went out for italian food...
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: yes
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: yes, actually (should i be ashamed of that?)
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: i've had kimbab--does that count?
In the past month have you been on Stage: yes, but only at church ;)
In the past month have you been Dumped: no
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: ummm NO
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: only this survey, from karel
Ever been Drunk: actually, no
Ever been called a Tease: no (are you bored of me yet?)
Ever been Beaten up: no
Ever Shoplifted: once when i was 4 ... by accident (i forgot i was holding that big bag of candy .. haha)
How do you want to Die: satisfied with the way i lived my life
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: a teacher ... but if i had my complete way, i would love to be a full-time writer instead ... it's just not realistic enough nowadays ..
What country would you most like to Visit: hmm that's a hard one, actually. probably ITALY.
Number of Drugs I have taken: nothing illegal or illicit ... tylenol, advil, antibiotics, and my crazy codeine cough syrup last month ..
Number of CDs I own: not too many ... probably fewer than 20. but derek balances me out since he probably owns like 500 :P
Number of Piercings: none ... and i'd like to keep it that way, thank you very much :P
Number of Tattoos: ewwwww i hate tatoos (no offense to anyone else)
Number of things in my Past I Regret: hard to count ... in a very serious way, probably none. i do regret not going to africa, though--but i know one day i'll have another chance, so it's not that bad.

In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: well, since i love derek, i'll say blue ;) (i used to think hazel, but now obviously i don't care)
Favourite Hair Color: same as above ... i used to say brunette, but look at the gorgeous blond i fell in love with!
Short or Long Hair: SHORT PLEASE ... no bo bice for me!
Height: taller than me, please ... like 5'10" is perfect
Weight: in shape--otherwise it doesn't matter
Best Clothing Style: whatever ... just be original with it somehow. but actually, i hate punk style (tight tight legging-jeans with psycho patches and like, leotards underneath?! no thanks).

thinking about powder ...

{ no more food! }

i had two wonderful easter dinners today, only 2 hours apart (one at church, one at grandma's) ... i am so STUFFED! actually, i feel like all i've done for the past few days is EAT ... friday night we went out after church, yesterday we went out for anny's birthday, yesterday night we went to white spot with my family, today for lunch we had easter dinner at church and just now we finished easter dinner at my grandparents ... i honestly feel, right now, as if i never want to eat again ... i need to go lie somewhere and just digest ...

but oh, on a somewhat related note, i added a recipe for grandma's marshmallow salad (a.k.a. "five cup salad") which was originally from my Nana :)

i am pleased
i am silent
peaceful mouth but
smiling eyes

{ treasure hunting }

i was going through some of my old hard drive files and i found an old poem that i wrote when i was in grade twelve ... it's another "found poem" and so i posted it up to share with all you lovely people ... go have a peek at it.

{ our words are powerful ? }

[from Superhero Journal]

There is a scientist named Dr. Masuro Emoto who has shown {through high speed photographs of water crystals} that an ordinary glass of water will literally change form according to the name you label it with. You may have seen this experiment in the film, What the bleep Do We Know?. Emoto labeled glasses with different words such as: "Love", "war", "hate" or "joy" and then photographed the crystals as they froze in each glass. The results are mind blowing.

What are the results? I went and read up on all of this at this website ... what do you think? Is it all just crazy talk?? ... I'd be curious to see the actual scientific results (variables, etc etc) of all these experiments ...

Please comment--tell me what you think. Sometimes I'm just too gullible for my own good ...

{ the big risk paid off! }

i taught my riskiest lesson plan today ... it required that all my grade nine students shut their eyes and use their imaginations as i led them through a guided imagery exercise. i never anticipated that all of them would actually DO IT, though! even my mentor teacher was delightedly surprised when they remained quiet for 25 minutes straight (i mean quiet like the crypt!). so, i am very pleased with myself, and that's one more lesson i can put on file for next time! it was also very low-key and low-energy for me to teach (i just gave several prompts to guide their imagining), which is always nice (especially when, like today, i am teaching 100%)

another night of exciting lesson planning ahead of me. for some reason all i want to do is read (but american idol and amazing race are on--how distracting!). maybe tonight will be the night that i finally pick up the iliad and start reading. we'll see ...

{ the hitch in my day made me smile }

derek and i just got back from seeing the movie "Hitch" starring will smith. it was just what i needed tonight, i think ... i have been feeling so overwhelmingly frustrated with teaching and with my students this past week, i just needed to escape for a couple hours and just have a good laugh. i ended up chuckling and giggling through the whole movie, and the theatre was nice and empty, so i could even laugh in my embarrassingly authentic way (my chipmunk giggles!)

now i have just wrapped up my slightly risky lesson plan for tomorrow (i am trying guided imagery with my grade nines and will have to just wait and see if it works out or not ...) and will now drift off to dreamland with my lovely feather pillow ...

{ contented }

there is something just so refreshing about getting together with people whom you hardly know and having a surprisingly good time. tonight i had the opportunity to get together with some people that i hardly know. i laughed and smiled a lot, nodded my head in astonished agreement a lot, and was left pondering so many beautiful and mysterious things. what a pleasant night ... really, there are few words to describe it. it was not forced, it was not insincere, it just was what it was, if that makes any sense. i feel like i have emerged from tonight with some strong new ties ... perhaps they cannot yet be called friendships, but i feel a special bond with the new people that i met tonight. i felt encouraged and i felt like i could also be an encouragement. i really feel like that is the purpose of people and of community ... yes, so many terrible things can happen when people gather together, but tonight reminded me that i can not be cynical and forget all the wonderful things that can also happen through the establishment of community and fellowship.

i feel contented and i know i will have a lovely sleep tonight.

{ creepy enough for you? }

if you don't mind getting the heebie-jeebies, check out the abandoned hospital webcam at http://www.researchwebcam.com/

{ no bike riding today }

well, saturday has come again, but so has the snow. this time last week i was daydreaming about getting my bike out for the first time ... but it will have to wait until spring actually comes. nothing too interesting on the agenda ... i'm going to a potluck/bible study tonight, but until that time i will have the privilege of going to best buy to look at phones *gag* and lesson planning for monday *double gag* ... ah well, at least i'll have some time to just take it easy as well. so now here i go, off on my phone adventure ... *sigh*

{ homemaker much? }

yay ... i just got my first issue of martha stewart magazine!!! so pretty :) the food is always so gorgeous and exotic sounding ... but it also takes so many crazy ingredients that probably cost an arm and a leg! but one of these days i'll experiment with it.

and as if subscribing to martha stewart living is not enough, i am about to undertake the baking of approximately 4 dozen chocolate chip cookies. i get the day off of teaching tomorrow to go back to university, and i am responsible for providing my whole university class with dessert for our potluck day tomorrow! anyways, i am so excited ... it will be really nice to be back amongst my peer group again.

anyways, i'm off to have a night of relaxation--bubble baths, cookie making, magazine reading, and web searching.

{ too many roles for me today }

sigh. today is just one of those days where i want to feel sorry for myself. i feel like i have gone through too many roles today; currently i feel like the "housewife" that stephen was also writing about today.

as for my other roles, i stayed up all night being the sickie that i currently am (my nighttime tylenol could not combat the fact that i could hardly breathe due to being so plugged up). then i woke up and attempted to be my own hairdresser with my slightly stubborn new haircut. then it was off to school to be the teacher that i also am--i arrived just in time to supervise some currently disgruntled grade niners doing library research for the better part of the day. then hometime and i became my "home" self--am preparing dinner, doing dishes, attempting to clean up. i am making russian chicken with mashed potatoes and corn for dinner. after writing i will then try to sneak in a nap before i start marking papers and possibly bake cookies (the baking is for my pitiful sake--i NEED a homemade cookie desparately).

anyways, today i would have been content to just be nobody.

{ time for your thinking caps ... }

alright everybody ... i am coming up with a creative writing prompt box for my grade 8 students ... any bright ideas for any creative writing prompts? things that you yourself would love to freewrite about for 5-10 minutes? please deposit any bright ideas into the comments section and i'll love you forever! *mwah*

(good thing teaching is allowed to be such a collaborative process or i don't know quite what i'd do on exhausting nights like this one ...)

{ all i can say is ... wow. }

i just got my hair cut and colored today ... it's my first haircut in about 2 years and the first time in my whole life that i have ever colored my hair. and i can say is ... wow. and all derek and my mom and amy could say was ... wow. i absolutely love it! i really do. i feel so smiley and excited! it's funny how such a little thing can totally turn you around and give you a boost ...

i'm so excited to see peoples' reactions at church tomorrow ... hehe :)

{ hilarious ... yet helpful }

i just found out about ratemyteachers.ca tonight from my sister ... so i went there and to my surprise there were hundreds of ratings of teachers from the school where i am teaching ... this must be some kind of underground student communication system. i think it's hilarious, actually. you can rate the teacher for easiness, helpfulness, and clarity. i can't wait until one day i'm up there an i can read up on myself ... lol.

{ STDs? }

Is that a *shocking* title to see on my blog? Haha. Well, I just finished teaching a day of Sex Ed ... we had a guest speaker come to talk about sexual assault and then I taught the whole afternoon. My topic was "Sexual Risk Taking and Decision Making" which involved three main topics: unplanned pregnancy (plus abortion, adoption, keeping the baby), disease (STDs including HIV/AIDS) and emotional risks (bad reputation, things get "weird", feeling "used"). The kids were so much more mature and serious than I expected. All their little wide eyes just stared back at me and they actually put up their hands to share their thoughts and ideas. Wow, it was nothing like how my friends and I were in grade nine!!

Then we got to watch a documentary from Degrassi Junior High called "Let's Talk about Sex" ... it was pretty good minus the massive glasses and big hair. Heehee.

Then we did very indepth group work on 8 of the most common STDs ... it was the first the kids had ever heard about most of the stuff, and they were SO FREAKED OUT. Actually, it was very funny. Some of the coolest kids were like "I never want to have sex" and they looked like deer in the headlights. I had to laugh :)

Overall, I think it went really well. I wasn't at all tense once I started teaching, even though I got some strange questions and had to awkwardly answer them. But the kids never laughed at me and that helped me to relax too.

So, from now on, Sex Ed class, here I come! You don't scare me anymore! ;)

{ a home in the familiar }

today i had a thought that just amazed me. no matter where you could possibly be in the world, there are a few things that would seem to be unchanging and steadfast, unable to be altered by circumstance or surroundings. no matter where you may be, to be able to sit down in front of a computer in this age of technology and to visit a favorite website ... that is something that no location can touch. the same goes for flipping open a love-worn book and smiling at its trustworthy pages of dialogue, plot, and character. likewise, lying down next to the person you love is something that i think neither location nor circumstance could ever dare to alter ... these are the things that we, as people, find solace in. yes, adventure and thrill may arise from the unknown and the sight of something new and fresh may move us to an emotion never fully realized before, but it is in what we know--in sipping a Coke, nuzzling a known nape, or revelling in the soft caress of a favorite sweater-- that we can truly let down our guards, close our eyes, breathe deeply, and just be ourselves.

{ hey, if you ever feel like ... }

... making your own word search, now you can! just click onto http://www.edhelper.com/wordfind.htm and watch the magic begin! haha

{ i am now a real teacher }

I get to teach health! Including sex ed ... ah, the sign of finally being a *real* teacher. Haha. I am both nervous and excited. I think that if I can teach that, then I can teach anything. but I am nervous for some of the questions that they might throw at me ... who knows what those little brains will come up with?

I just finished making a very exciting word search about "Personal Safety and Security" which includes such exilarating clues as (1) Always carry change for an ____________ phone call; (2) When running, wear ____________ clothing; and (3) Consider carrying a ___________ or other noisemaker when running.

Answers: emergency, reflective, whistle

How much more fun could it get, eh?

I know it sounds lame, but actually, the word search is just the intro to the mini unit. It then progresses on to talk about drinking/partying responsibly, watching out for the "date rape drug", and dealing with alcohol poisoning, sexual harrassment, and abusive relationships. Heavy stuff for grade niners! I feel so naive going in there and thinking that nobody must even drink when they are in grade nine ... but as a matter of fact, my teacher told me that from this school alone, two students were taken to the Emergency Room last year with severe cases of alcohol poisoning. Freaky stuff. Hopefully education can and will be the solution to solving some of these "social problems".

{ fifteen simple pleasures }

This entry has been encouraged by prompt number 79 from creativewritingprompts.com which reads: "List 15 simple pleasures. Pick one and write about it."

LISA'S FIFTEEN SIMPLE PLEASURES

1. The sound of children playing just outside my kitchen window.
2. Tim Horton's "Rrrrroll up the Rrrrrim to Win" cups.
3. Sleeping in a luxurious hotel room.
4. A new pen.
5. Banana bread with lots of chocolate chips.
6. Rosy cheeks.
7. homestarrunner.com (teen girl squad--teehee)
8. Drinking cider on an autumn afternoon.
9. Tulips in spring colors.
10. Dancing goofily with Amy.
11. Extra bubbly bubble baths.
12. Movie theatre popcorn (with real butter).
13. Comments left in my blog!
14. Sincere compliments.
15. Puppy dog face kisses (aw, Josie)

REGARDING #6--ROSY CHEEKS

There is just something so classically beautiful about seeing a young girl or woman with naturally and healthily flushed rosy cheeks. I love witnessing it on other people, and I love experiencing it in myself. Maybe I am just too romantic and old-fashioned, but I love the way I feel after a brisk walk home in the fall or springtime. Sometimes my hair will be left down, curls bouncing, and I will feel as if I stepped right out of the pages of Alcott's Little Women. Maybe my mom and my grandma reinforced this simple pleasure in me--they would always say "Oh, look how nice and rosy your cheeks are!" And although modern times have of course attempted to peg down this tiny fragment of natural beauty with the invention of blush, wearing blush is just not the same, and we all know it. Whether the people looking at me can tell the difference or not, I can still tell the difference. Blush does not leave you with that wonderful cheek stinging sensation that only comes after having the tiny rush of having an exhilarating experience with nature; blush cannot leave you short of breath or bright-eyed in the way that an outdoor romp with friends and family can. Let's hear it for natural, rosy cheeks! Hip hip hooray!

{ and the secret ingredient is ... }

... CHEESE!

Tonight we had an Iron Chef showdown at church ... rotfl--it was so much fun!!! We all got into groups and had to come up with 4-5 courses that each included cheese. My group created: BBQ Chicken Pizza, Gourmet Mashed Potatoes, Spring Vegetable Pasta with Parmesan, and No-Bake Lemon Cheesecake. We created everything from scratch with no recipes ... and it was so much fun! Out of four groups we ended up coming in second, so I couldn't complain ... I can't wait to see the video footage tomorrow. I'll post the URL once it's up and you can all see the hilarious fun we had.

But anyways, (mad cooking frenzy)+(lots of yummy food afterwards)=Lisa is a very tired girl.

So adieu, farewell, good-night. Until next time ;)