{ exam humor }

I got an email from my coworker at school this week which made me crack up in the middle of class (I was checking my email while my students wrote their Brazil exams).

The subject of the email was something like: "And you thought your marking was bad..."

For anyone who is or has ever been a teacher or a student, please enjoy:

{ anticipation }

So, I found out a new method for tinkering with some old photos, and I played around with older snapshots for nearly two hours last night. I really ended up enjoying the finished product of the hay bales photo above and thought they might be appropriate to head up *daintee.

(By the way: the photo was taken 2 summers ago when Derek surprised me and took me berry picking.)

I definitely look forward to more spring and summertime photos this year. Unfortunately winter here in the city is not that enthralling unless there is a glorious stretch of frost clinging to the trees. So far we are having a typical February: no frost, no snow, no melting, just bitter cold and drab landscapes. I am definitely looking forward to March.

One thing that is keeping our life sunny is the building of our new house. We are officially underway now, and they predict that the ground will be broken in April. I will definitely start a time-lapsed photo documentary when that all begins to take place. Until then, however, we've been handling the financial side of things (I wrote a ridiculously huge cheque to cover our initial down payment this week). We've picked our exterior colors and are beginning to decide on our interior choices. Today we went to the sales center to try and color-match carpet samples with paint chips with counter sections with appliances with squares of tile and linoleum. It was definitely not an argument-free process, but in the end I think Derek and I made enough compromises for us to both end up happy.

I am definitely looking forward to when all these decisions are done being made and when we can move into our new home next December or January. We will most likely be selling our condo in June and we will then be renting a little trailer in the country from family. We will live in transition for 6 months, only unpacking what we need so as to avoid having to pack and repack all over again. I know our trailer life will be not too far off, but for the time being it feels like it will be forever until we make it to June. June will bring so much change for us, definitely--selling our condo, moving out, and job-changing for me. There is a good chance I will be laid off this year due to downsizing at my school; if that is the case, the job hunt will begin for me again. And, whether I move schools or not, I will have to get a temporary full time job over the summer to help keep our budget right while Derek endures his second nursing practicum. It will be back to a grocery store or coffee shop or secretarial desk for me for two months. To tell you the truth, though, I'm actually looking forward to two months of menial work after facing so many months of grueling planning and marking. I am hoping sixty days of a tedious job will leave me feeling refreshed for teaching or subbing next year.

The future feels like an oyster to me right now--wide open and holding a pearl out, just for me.

{ my eight names }

Haha, this one was just too much fun to pass up. Stolen from Karel.

1. YOUR REAL NAME:
Lisa

2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (first 3 letters of real name plus izzle.)
Lisizzle

3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (fav color and fav animal)
Aqua Monkey

4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, and current street)
Anne McAllister

5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, last 3 letters of mom's maiden name)
Eppli Kin

6. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (The plus your 2nd favorite color, favorite drink).
The Pink Cola

7. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother's middle name)
I wouldn't have one--my mom has no middle name. I would be very protected!

8. YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one your pets)
Black Jo-Jo

What a riot. I think my soap opera name sounds pretty good! The goth name isn't bad, either.

{ a fun interlude }

From Amy Kane, from YouTube: Knights of the Round Table, Lego style. It is quite good, really.

{ fresh }

Well, although it is not quite verdant yet outside my window, I thought at least my internet window could bring a bit of crisp green into my life!

I woke up this morning to do a favor for a friend--his neighbors have been harassing him by doing nasty things to his property, so last night he called me at 11:30 pm to see if he could borrow my digital camera to capture all the naughtiness in print. I told him that, of course, that should be no problem. It felt like no problem at all until he told me that he would swing by around 8:00 am to pick it up!! There went my plans for a Sunday morning sleep-in, but oh well. When I woke up I managed to catch the sunniest part of the day from my computer chair by the window that overlooks the vacant lot. The sun caught my artificial plant just right, and in that moment I could have sworn that spring was here.

Now, four hours later, it is dull and gloomy outside again and I realize that I must have been delusional. But, as it is now February 18th and we are rounding the corner into spring, I thought I would set up my webspace with a welcoming cheeriness to usher in the blossoms and sprouts as soon as they feel like making an appearance. Hopefully we won't have to wait too long, but, in case we do, there's always *daintee to keep you and I feeling cheery.

{ post v-day }

Well, Valentines Day was completely anticlimactic this year for us and I have to say that, in a way, I loved it. Usually it is full of the frazzle of rushing home from work, showering, and getting all dolled up only to rush to a restaurant with an 8:00 or 9:00 pm dinner reservation where you're still packed into some eatery like sardines in a tin can. There are the usual $80 rose bouquets and the overpriced steaks. Add typical -30 degree weather to the mix and it generally just feels a little more like a chore by the end of the night.

Because we're in the midst of buying a house, sticking to a budget, and saving as much money as possible, we decided to do absolutely nothing this year. I stuck to my half of the bargain, but when I got home, Derek had done a little something for me (bought a Caramilk bar, a pack of skittles, and a funny little card); after all, as he keeps reminding me, "Valentines day is when the boy is supposed to do something for the girl, not the other way around!"

We were going to eat pasta and canned sauce, but as Derek put it, I shouldn't have to "cook" on a holiday (HA! Cook?!). Anyways, we thought we'd go somewhere low-key, so we decided to get a donair since I've been wanting to try one for a while. We went to this little donair shop about 15 minutes from home where we were the only people in the whole cafe! We had our donairs and shared a bottle of Coke as we sat still wearing our parkas (ha ha!). Then we slipped back out to the car, drove home, and watched Lost.

No frills, no gimmicks, no wasted funds and wilted $80 roses. I'm into doing this again next year.

{ in between dreams }

natural sand formation, Jeffreys Bay

In my dreams I often walk and walk, trodding through my dream-life in search of answers or people I've lost or never found to begin with. The stress in my life increases the stress in my dreams, and often my dream walking will translate to real life walking and I'll find myself standing in the middle of our bathroom or office. Sometimes I holler things out, calling for someone I love. Sometimes I'm starting routines far too early, as I did this week. I found myself running the shower at 3:10 am on Friday morning, panic-stricken that I had slept in late for school. Stress can do funny things, and it is neither confined to our dream world nor our real life. Somehow, because it lives in our mind and then creates a physiological response, it can reside in both, and cross borders that some other thoughts cannot.

I must have some stress within me, some deep, hidden stress, because my body has not been working well in conjunction with itself lately. The heart problems that began when I was 14 years old have come back with a vengeance that I have never felt before. The two defects in my heart that usually lie tamely underneath the control--my control--of deep breathing and lying flat have gained domination over me. None of my usual tricks will work, and my tachycardia and heart irrythmias have been plaguing me since last Thursday. I am on my eleventh day of feeling generally awful. I feel less aware of what is happening outside of me and am increasingly aware of what is happening inside of me, of that funny buh-bum, buh-bum, buh-buh-buh---bum rhythm that thumps inside my chest. Sometimes the focus that keeps me so introspective makes my outer world spiral a little out of control. I lose focus while teaching, and suddenly some young man has done something naughty in the corner of the classroom. I am forced to escalate the things that I hadn't noticed before; I yell and point my finger and banish and write names on the board. Several times this week when my students left the room I locked my classroom door, turned off the lights, layed down on my desk, and did deep breathing to try to lower my already typically low blood pressure. I counted my pulse--165 beats per minute--and prayed that it would come down to at least 110. Sometimes I won out, and sometimes my funky AV node did.

This morning I felt in a daze. After a particularly crummy sleep from a rattly heart within me, I got up and went for my second EKG in five days. I cried tears of joy when I walked out of the clinic with my printout in my hand. Today is the first time in 10 years that my heart irrythmia has ever been able to be captured on paper. Usually it fizzles away the minute they get those electrodes on me, but today I gritted my teeth, bottled some frustration and let it all out in my thoughts once she started the computer. Sure enough, out printed the irregular lines with the computer's diagnosis printed on the bottom of the sheet like a mystical fortune cookie's message: "ABNORMAL RESULTS". So I am abnormal. But now at least someone other than me can get the sense of it. Somehow, somewhere, I pray that some doctor will finally have enough data to understand what is going on inside of me. Maybe someone will be able to fix me.

So general fatigue and weakness and exhaustion and crankiness has been my shroud for these last 11 days, as I seem to bump and thump and rattle through the days and nights. I feel like I am living either a dull version of life or an incredibly vivid dream.

However, in the eight or nine normal beats between the funny ones, I have other incredibly exciting and uplifting news to share: Derek and I have bought a house.

Well, more acurately I suppose I should say that Derek and I are in the process of buying a house since we don't sign on the final dotted line until later this week (we have, however, signed on approximately 200 more minor dotted lines). We've chosen and received our lot (a corner lot with lots of windows and sunlight), picked our siding, planned our floorplan, and made arrangements for all the financing. If all goes well, we will be moving into our very own house sometime around next Christmas when they're through building it. The whole thing came about very shockingly when our name came up on a waiting list (there is a tremendously long waiting list to even get a lot in our city right now). We had put our name on the list sometime back in October and had merely kept the notion of a house in the far back corners of our minds. However, when we were offered one of the two lots released in February, we jumped at the opportunity and said yes. Our lives have since been a whirlwind of meeting with bank managers and property appraisers and building staff. Yesterday we woke up early to peruse through samples of countertops and linoleum at the sales center. We hemmed and hawed over faucets and toilets. Such things make me giggle a little.

Jack Johnson, on his album "In Between Dreams" has a song that I love called "Do You Remember?" The second verse of his song goes like this:

Do you remember when we first moved in together--the piano took up the living room. You played me boogie-woogie, I played you love songs; you said we're playing house, now you still say we are.

Playing house. That's what I feel like Derek and I are doing. I mean, we've had our condo for over three years now, but building a new home from the ground up is something else. We are making so many adult decisions that I just can't get over it. My co-worker, who is 33 years old, lives with her boyfriend and her grown brother; the three of them pay the rent together and they cook meals and calculate the costs of gas, water, and electricity. She says that they've dubbed themselves as being "kiddults" since it seems too ridiculous for them to actually be full-fledged adults considering how immature they all still feel. I like her term and have mentally dubbed myself a kiddult ever since. I'm playing house, playing grown up, with my high heels and teacher's hairdos and kitchen appliances and phone bills to pay.

Just like Jack Johnson, I feel caught in between--in between my young self and my adult self, and caught in between dreams. I sleepwalk at night and make it through some days in nothing more than a heart-rattling daze. I'm also watching dreams and goals unfurl before my eyes unrealistically in tangible floor plans and a variety of carpet samples.

I'm rooted, I'm a drifter; I'm young, I'm old; I'm energized, I'm exhausted; I'm awake, I'm only dreaming; I'm somewhere in between.