{ breath of fresh air }

So, as you've most immediately noticed, I have finally (whew!) changed up the blog design! Trust me, even I was tired of that abysmal gray layout that brought back haunting memories of winter. Now that I have finally had time to myself, I had a chance to go through oodles of photos on my camera, and I found this lovely purple wildflowers shot from last week.

Weekly, we take our two dogs (Kona: neurotic border collie and Banjo: runty german shepherd cross) to the dog park. In fact, we probably make it there about three to five times a week as long as the weather is decent. We went all winter with the pups, watching them galavant through the snow like little rabbits. In the spring, we did our best to avoid the mudpuddles and melted doggie doo doo. However, now that it is summer, the dog park is in its full glory! I must mention that this park, in a bustling city of about a million people, is paradise! It is several hundred acres of reserved, natural land, nestled on the banks of the North Saskatchewan River. The park is mostly left on its own, aside from the occasional kindly upkeep from city staff, and as such, the grass is left to grow wild and long, with bushes and trees filling in naturally as they please. There are countless numbers of naturally formed trails, the footfalls of others having formed dusty little tracks to follow through the woods and grasslands. Kona has most recently learned to swim in the dozens of clean little ponds in the park, which is her favorite thing to do now that it's summer. My favorite thing to do now that it's summer is to allow my breath to catch in my throat at the beauty of the wildflowers that are cropping up everywhere.

Being a city girl, I have not been overly accustomed to seeing wildflowers in my lifetime. My mom has always kept pristine, perfectly planned gardens that appeal to the senses in a cultured sort of way. But visiting the dog park in the summer brings a real thrillful attentiveness to the raw beauty of nature: there are thousands of daisies cropping up and forming pools of white in the sea of green grass. Yellow petals dot the outskirts of the pond lands, while in the main field, thousands upon thousands of purple wildflowers (their official name unbeknownst to me!) spill around and around the field. They are very tall, reaching between my knee and waist-height, and they tower over the seeding grasses and daisies below them. From the right angle (nestled in a comfy position in the grass as I was the other day), the little purple orbs dangle against the blue sky above, seemingly suspended there by some magical trick. Their heads seem far too large to be supported by such delicate stems!

At any rate, I snapped dozens of photos of these little gems and came across a few that I loved; I've used one for this new layout. With rain forecasted for the weekend ahead, at least I've made myself a small electronic sanctuary with blue skies and wildflowers for my indoor retreats. Feel free to enjoy it with me anytime!

{ candidly captured }

This shot was snapped last week as I celebrated my final week of school. Friends came and christened our new home with its first summer barbeque--it was a lovely evening, with late afternoon sun gracing us with its presence as we ate and chatted our way into the late evening.

That night also marked the night when I had a huge career milestone: I had to leave the barbeque for a short while to travel downtown to sign my continuing contract with the schoolboard. Basically, with this contract offered to me and now signed, I have a job with this school district until the day I retire, if that's what I want. This type of job security can be hard to come by, I know, and Derek and I feel extremely blessed for what this means for our lives, both now and down the road.

{ post-school stupor }

So, the day has finally come; school is finally over. I finished out my last day on Friday, having packed up all my teacherly belongings so that my room could be renovated over the summer (goodbye mouldy carpet!). This last stretch was a long haul of ridiculously bad behaviour, rushing through review for finals, and my own summer longing to be out-of-doors in the sunshine. As of Friday at 2:00, I have been free and loving it!

My sister's wedding was two weeks ago, and it was dazzling and beautiful in every sense of the word. Amy and her new husband could not be a better match, and they made their day fun for everyone involved, from the maid of honor (me!) to each and every guest in attendance. Her dress was absolutely beautiful, as was her overall glowing radiance. Just this week they have returned from a honeymoon, opened gifts, and begun setting up a new home in a small, quaint apartment. My vicarious joy for her could not be greater than it is!

I have little other news to report, other than I'm finally trying to catch up on the "normal" aspects of my life. I've made appointments with the doctor, dentist, masseuse, and hairstylist to catch up on all the personal things I've let slip by due to lack of time for myself. I've been taking the dogs on their much-needed walks, as they deserve. I've been doing loads and loads of post-school laundry (no joke; yesterday I did five loads and am not half done! Eek!) and housework. I've been clearing the fridge and restocking. In between I feel as if I finally have time to do the things that I never had time to do while in school: read good books, watch a favorite cooking show on TV, go to the bathroom in the middle of the morning, breathe.

As far as summer plans go, I'm taking it one day at a time, and working hard against my nature to pre-plan my life. I may tutor, or not. I plan on getting a bit of a personal makeover with my birthday money, starting with a hair makeover tomorrow. In August we will hit the west coast to visit family and friends (hello Karel!!). Past that, my immediate plans include cleaning up the shredded Kleenex that my dogs have left all over the house, eating a fresh Vietnamese salad roll that I've so been loving lately, and wandering in to give my napping husband a kiss. I'm keeping life simple these days.

I hope to revamp and update the blog this summer too, but I'm not making any deadlines for myself--I'll merely say: stay tuned!

{ glimpses }

Daily I catch new glimpses of students I thought I've known.

On Friday, Omar--a boy I've taught for two years now--earned himself a detention for being generally rowdy and a little bit disrespectful. To be honest, he earned himself the DT on Thursday but had it doubled on Friday due to the fact that he skipped Thursday's penalty.

Omar has always been a sullen, cynical boy. He has told me that he likes me as a teacher, but doesn't often show it. He tends to be vain and arrogant and knows it. I've always liked him but have found him difficult to connect with, since he has such a strong guard up.

On Friday, Omar showed me an endearing side of himself. I kept him for a DT in my room for half an hour after school--torture for any fourteen year old boy, to be sure. He was bored to tears, so I got to talking to him about what he might do after junior high (he is currently in grade eight). He shared with me that he has considered dropping out after grade nine as he has always struggled with school and English. I asked him if he still wanted to be a mechanic as I have known for a while now, and he said that he did. I pumped him up a little and complimented him on how well he did on his research report about car parts and motors. He allowed a little of his true pride--the unsure, tentative pride, not the blatant arrogance I usually see--to seep out in his eyes as they softened. He lit up and shared with me that he wanted to have a good job so that he could one day support a family. I told him about the special courses that I could recommend him for after next year--the courses that are geared towards kids who want jobs in the trades. He seemed baffled and excited by this news--news no teacher has ever given him before. Everyone he'd ever talked to had kept pushing him to achieve higher and higher to go into the academic courses and continue on to University to study sciences or architecture or literature; however, this just isn't Omar. It will never be Omar.

It seemed once I told him this, Omar must have figured I understood him, I "got" him, for then he started opening up to me. I asked him if English is still hard for him, even though he normally professed in front of his peers that it's "easy" and just "stupid". He nodded meekly and told me how hard it is. I told him that I've been studying Arabic and that sometimes I, too, feel as if I'll never "get it". He quizzed me on short phrases and letters of the alphabet--I confessed I haven't even mastered that yet. Then, with his young man's confidence, he stood up to impress and dazzle me.

"Do you want to see me write something?" he flaunted.

"Sure!" I agreed. I know that even he has only learned to write in Arabic over the past two years as he has grown up knowing it only orally.

He took my blue whiteboard marker and in the loveliest boy's cursive I've ever seen, he made his way, decisively, through each scrolled letter, starting on the right and working to the left. He stopped to correct himself several careful times, delicately erasing a stroke or a dot with a pinky finger and retracing it more carefully.

"It's my name!" he professed when finished. "Omar A---!"

In all honesty, it was completely lovely. This rugged boy's hand, with dark, manly hairs beginning to crawl on his knuckles as over his upper lip, had created this beautiful script, and I truly was as dazzled as he had hoped I could be, despite the fact that I had started off merely humoring him.

"Should I write yours?" he asked next, having gained preliminary confidence.

"Yes!" I squealed.

He made his way through my name, a completely non-Arabic name, stumped when he came to the two 'p's in my surname. He was puzzled, and I knew why, having just studied these past few weeks and learned that there is no equivalent sound to the English 'p' in Arabic; it gets substituted for 'b' (in fact, as my podcast tutor proclaimed, it's common to hear Arabs yelling: "Go bark the car!" as they are learning English).

"The 'p', right?" I asked him, knowingly.

"Yes," he said, not knowing how to explain himself.

"You must need 'b's," I directed.

"How did you know!" he said, wide-eyed.

"I told you, I've been studying!"

He grinned and reworked my name, saying it aloud with the 'p's substituted for 'b's. We both giggled a little at the foreign-ness of my new name.

Nearing the end of our time together, I told Omar that I will likely be his teacher again next year, and that I'm glad for that. I wanted to encourage him about school a little.

"I might not come back next year," he confessed.

"But why not!"

"I might go back to my village in Lebanon. I lived there when I was little."

"Do you like it?" I asked, knowing some of my kids do not.

"I love it! Wallah, it's the best!" I could feel his sincerity, knowing wallah is the equivalent of I swear to God! which is a serious thing for a good Muslim to say. He proceeded to tell me of the beauty of his village and how superior it is to a big city like Beirut. He spoke of the kindness of the people and the lushness of the beautiful countryside.

"What's your village called?" I asked, already being familiar with a few Lebanese town names. He spoke a lengthy Arabic name that I could neither decipher nor recognize.

"Do you know what it means?" he asked me.

"No--what?" I leaned in.

And then Omar did something so beautiful, in such a tone and demeanor that I have never seen him act before. His eyes fluttered half shut ever so softly, as if remembering something dear to him, and his hand drifted to cover his heart. He spoke with amazing conviction, in his gruff, accented young man's voice. "It means my heart is broken."

And then he looked at me, as if shocked with himself and eager to hear my reply.

Dramatically I played into his keenness. "My heart is broken!" I echoed. "But why? Why such a sad name for such a beautiful place?"

He merely shrugged and allowed his head to nod downward, somewhat meekly. A handsome smile played just behind his lips, guarded only ever so slightly.

And then, like that, our thirty minute penalty was nearly over. He had been with me twenty seven minutes already. The doldrums that this time was supposed to be had long since melted away.

I glanced at the clock. "Omar, go. You have to go to work, right?"

"Yeah."

"Then go. Yallah!" I laughed, urging him in Arabic to hurry up.

"Really?" he looked at me incredulously.

"Yes," I laughed. "Go!"

"Thanks, Ms. E! Have a good weekend!"

"Thanks, Omar. You too!"

{ blog deja vu }

I've blogged this before, but it is just as appropriate for this "confused winter's spring" as it was when I wrote it several years ago. Last week we had summer temperatures followed by a five day blizzard. We went from long, dry grasses to three and a half feet of snow in my backyard again. It is just starting to melt, and today Derek and I ventured out with Kona to the dog park, our hoods raised to combat the wind that licked away the snow drifts. Enjoy the poem, whether winter or spring in your neck of the woods!



poem for today


if i could make today my own--
dive into confused winter's spring--
i would pack two blankets, one for
underneath my sitting self and one
for my back.

i would let my hair down, would
prepare myself for wind and
sunny squinting, would pack a book
heavy enough for the day,
pack foods inviting enough
for fingertips.

with my camera i could (not) capture
the mystery of today--all
sun and silhouette, with nothing
in between but
wind. can you see the photo now,
all brightly dark, held steady in
a blur, all sun spots and streaks--
can you see today?

can you embrace today? i would embrace it,
caught up in its blinding light,
unseeing all around me, wind licking my ears,
howling me here and there, eyes closed,
down whatever path chosen for my today's feet.

{ little ditty for today }

I'd like to take this piece of life
and save it for tomorrow
that when I face a day of strife
I'll have some joy to borrow.

Just a little ditty I composed today in quick, contented silence.

The talent show yesterday went amazingly well--it brought tears to my shadow-hidden eyes as I shook my head with pride over my little demons turned darlings. Students that most normally love to (endearingly) crawl all over my last nerve really pulled it together and strutted their stuff, not to mention did everything in their earthly power to please me. There are no words for the preciousness of the nervous grins that my favorite Moe kept shooting me from off-stage as I cued him up with hand gestures from below the stage in my front row audience seat.

The tone of the school was altogether different today at K-School, the day after the show; even the principal and my colleagues noticed it. We were all floating on a sort of high, taking a new pride in ourselves and our own. In the midst of a sixteen year old being stabbed half a block away this week and a pedophile attempting to lure three of my students (on three different occasions) into his truck (yes, that all happened this week), we emerged as a sort of new breed of conquerors in this confusing big city life.

I face the fresh weekend with a deep satisfaction and joy with my life and the beautiful teens that are a part of it. At this point, I'm looking forward to Monday morning on a Friday night, and I say that's a good place to be in! Thought I'd share a slice of zealous joy with you as it still has me floored at 1:25 am! Good night!



P.S. a poem i found and liked at mole via slow reads.

{ Who's got talent? }

This is a ridiculously funny and cute photo I snapped of Kona over spring break when we played with her on the beach at Whiterock, BC. She was shivering cold from the damp and the wind, but she couldn't get enough of chasing her frisbees through the tidepools, silly girl. She definitely has got that knack--or talent, if you will, to be fitting to my title--to win you over! We played frisbee for well over an hour, me with my ridiculously tight hood up over my head!

Speaking of talent, tomorrow is the first-in-a-long time Talent Show at K-School. My favorite student, Mohammed, wrangled me into setting up this crazy scheme sometime around Christmas. I never thought the day to do it all would actually come. I've been running auditions like a madwoman (American Idol style with golden tickets and everything!), learning how to work soundboards, ripping peoples' backtracks, and having dress rehearsals. Everyone told me that a talent show at K-School would not work; in fact, they said they have tried in the past (although quite some time ago) and that they have always failed.

It must be said, however, that things are going terrifically well, if I do say so myself. We had more people audition than we could allow in, which was the first unexpected item. Secondly, the people who were auditioning were surprisingly hiding these amazing talents! Take this tiny grade 7er I teach, for instance. He can't be more than four feet tall, he is just a tiny Lebanese boy, and yet he secretly has a brown belt in tae kwon do! He got up there and went through these perfectly controlled moves that I swear could kill a full grown man. I was very impressed. We have some amazing singers and dancers as well.

Today we put the finishing touches on a huge banner we've made for the gym, and tomorrow's the big day. Parents and guests from the community will be there to see how we do. I'm super excited, but a little nervous at the unpredictability of adolescents.

Wish us luck!!

{ diptych }

"Footprints in the Sand" -- just like that cheesy poem, but animal style ;)

Taken from our spring break trip to B.C. when we played on the beach at Whiterock with our dogs.